carlton Chronicle

official newsletter of the Carlton Dramatic Society May 2005 'Informing the mob' Editor: Matthew Petty Free where sold Valid XHTML & CSS

BUMPER REVIEW SPECIAL

This issue, we have some reviews of the most recent masterpieces from the Carlton. First up, Andrew Candish gives us his impressions of last November's TWO…

TWO'S GREAT COMPANY

Being set in a pub sounded promising from the start, and we were not to be disappointed. Two promised us a mixture of laughter and tears. It turns out that Two is a stunning play, and the Carlton turned out a stunning production (as if it could be otherwise).

Centring on the regulars of a northern pub, there were no more than two characters on stage at once. Each had a story to tell. The landlord and landlady (Ian Ward and Kate Mitchell) appeared to run a friendly pub with good humour and as a great team. But as things progressed we became aware of a torturous tension, an unspoken event from the past. The regulars came and went, each enjoying their favourite tipple; the drinking all done by mime. So convincing was this that I wondered if the Carlton was (unknown to the Treasurer) being sponsored by the maker of some new invisible glass. A neat idea, so long as you know which way up to hold it.

Some respite for the Old Woman (Val Foskett), from the chores and stresses of caring for her husband. Never again will I hear the words 'meat' and 'cleaver' without a slight shudder and the memory of this old woman sat all alone in the pub.

Matt Petty and Ruth Brooks gave us Moth and Maudie. A local Casanova, dressed to impress his lass, and anyone else's if he was lucky. Ruth extracting a proposal of marriage under such duress that it made yer eyes water. Matt, where did you learn those moves?

James Grayston as Old Man (I guess no relation to Old Woman, only sharing the first name), gave us memories and wistfulness. A look here and a gesture there communicating even more than the lines.

Mr and Mrs Iger (Mike Tierney and Katy Wey) produced some belly laughs, as the henpecked wimp and his very in-control wife. A sustained monologue about bigness from Mrs I at last leading to something snapping - yikes. Mr Tierney's talents don't just extend to purveying wimpy simmering frustration. May I congratulate him on the excellent set which was very pleasing from the point of view of the Carlton bank account.

But what was the unspoken secret? While more invisible glass was pressed into action the tension was rising behind the bar, We had to wait until part two of Two.

Did I say tension? Jethro, how can I ever approach you again without some serious backup? A scene between Jethro Crabb (he of Alfie's extra good Yorkshire Puddings and general nice guy. Or so we thought…) as Roy, and Jayne Giordanella as Lesley, left the audience silent and shocked. Jayne's acquiescence and fear was really uneasy to watch. But Jethro…

So we needed the light relief that came with Fred and Elvis-mad Alice (Mike Norman-Smith and Alison Raffan). Mike Norman-Smith (only played one part this time, but two mentions in this review, as promised!) played long suffering hubby to Alice, both unrecognisable contrasts to the pervy doc and m'lady in Habeas. Much laughter ensued from crisp packets (not made from the invisible stuff this time), and the pub telly. All these people we'd got to know so far, all their quirks…

Kathie gave us the Other Woman. Driven to the pub by her desire to confront her man and his wife. As despair dawned that her situation is really, really bad she misses her moment, finding they've left while she ordered her next drink. Dontcha just hate that…

The Young Girl (Phoebe Hodgson-Abbott) wandered in at closing time, looking for her dad who seemed to have left her behind. Her tears were so real that I wondered how the rest of the cast had been treating her. Or maybe I'd sent one of my threatening demands for subs to her by mistake. Oops. This is where the unspokeness reached it's height. The landord and landlady's child had died seven years ago that night. Each blamed the other. And the young girl's presence drew it all out. The ending was happy, but as with much of the play it left the audience's faces shining with laughter and tears, both at once. No mean feat. Carlton ROCKS!

But we knew that already. AC

Thanks Andrew! Next up, the Chronicles anonymous Social Correspondent paints a picture in words of April's Gala.

A GALA NIGHT TO REMEMBER

Wimbledon is associated with many special things. We have the world famous Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Association, Wimbledon Dog Track, Centre Court Shopping Centre, The 1988 F.A.Cup winners Wimbledon Football Club and those lovable little wombles of Wimbledon Common.

However, recently a new 'not-to-be-missed and must-be-seen-at event' has materialised on the social calendar, that is the CARLTON GALA. This sparklefest of an occasion, the second one in it's history, took place at the lavishly decorated Drake House on Saturday 9th April. The evening began with the guests arriving suitably decked out in their best attire. The ladies did the Carlton proud, dressed up in their elegant evening dresses and gowns, obviously fresh from the catwalks of Milan and Paris. Not to be outdone by the girls, the gentleman arrived in their starched white collared shirts and dickie bows. Particularly impressive and therefore a special mention must go to Mr Ian Burfoot. For once again he truly proved why he has the title 'The king of Bling'. This was all set to be an evening to remember.

The gala's main aim is to raise some money for charity whilst having as much fun as possible. The 'fun' element this year was supplied by what can only be described as a Stars in Their Eyes spectacular!

Talking of spectacular, the buffet provided was something to behold. With sandwiches, dips, sausage rolls, pineapple and cheese sticks, cream & chocolate cakes laid out as far as the eye could see, the diets were put on hold for at least another couple of hours.

Once our bellies were full and all that remained at the buffet table were mere crumbs, used napkins and Mike T, this was the cue for Carlton's answer to Ant & Dec, Ian 'The Ego' Ward and Matt 'Pretty Boy' Petty to launch into their opening welcoming routine of gags and song. Yes, these boys clearly enjoyed prostituting their talents as hosts in the name of charity.

First through the smoke and magical doors (well, to be honest, somebody forgot the smoke machine) were our very own Chair & Vice Chair James and Val entertaining us with that classic song 'I remember it well'. And indeed they did, as the audience greeted the end of their performance with a well deserved cheer and rapturous round of applause.

For all those Elvis fans who are convinced that the great man is alive and well and probably living in Cheam, the next act only added to their argument. Dave O'Sullivan made Drake House rock with his wonderful creation of Elvis. For quite a few of us who missed the man's glory years, this was as close to that magical experience that we could have ever hoped for.

The song goes 'Diamonds are a girls best friend', however, buy a drink for any one of these girls who featured in the final act of the half and I feel they would've probably been your best friend for the rest of the evening. These Carlton girls ( Aisling, Alison, Jane, Kate, Katy, Netty, Penny, Ruth, Val ) certainly know how to tease and entertain a man, as many a bead of sweat was generated under those starched collars. And who could blame them, for the high heels and low neck lines coupled with a well choreographed dance routine, would have had any man in a state of hidden excitement.

The extravaganza continued after the interval with the introduction of Scott Walker, looking uncannily like Pretty-Boy Petty. This cool guy strolled onto the stage and took us all back into the 60's with his flawless and incredibly good rendition of 'Jackie'.

Next upon the conveyor belt of talent was Ian & Netty. It was clear that these two had obviously taken tips from the Renee & Renate school of song, as a polished performance with the vocal ability to match was delivered.

It was like Charlie and the Chocolate factory as the treats kept coming!

Next up on stage and making her singing debut under her wedded name of McGorry, was Kristen. She certainly drove us all 'Crazy' with that all-time Patsy Kline favourite.

On any variety show the tradition has always been that you save the best to last. However, I believe the jury is still deliberating on this one. The last act had the Carlton Boyz (Franck, Barny, Richard, Andrew and Jeff) strutting their stuff as members of a Boy Band. Or so those cunning so and so's had us believe. To the tune of Full Monty's 'Leave your hat on' they stripped as quick as you could say Ruth Brooks, to reveal fishnets, stockings and knickers. They performed 'The Timewarp' to the best of their embarrassed ability, and not a bum note was hit, although I have to say a bum was noted. Richard, in his haste to "get 'em off" mistakenly took off more than he bargained for when he pulled his panties down to his knees.

Special praise must go to that very talented ivory tinkler Mr Michael Ahmad. For all of the above would not have been possible without him. Please also note, that he must not be held responsible by those people who didn't enjoy the entertainment being thrust upon them!

A disco completed an evening of merriment and fulfilment. We all danced the night away and some even danced away the night barefooted down the Broadway!

This successful night would not have been achieved were it not for several hard working folk. So take a bow one last time, and in no particular order… Kate Mitchell, Kathie Arundell, Ruth Brooks, Matt Petty, Ian Ward, James Grayston, Andrew Candish, Michael Ahmad, Val Foskett, and my sincere apologies if I have omitted any names.

Personally I am looking forward to April 2006, and I'm sure a night of many more stars. ANON

Yowzer. Cheers Jeff. (Woops).

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CARLTON UPDATE

the original sexed-up dossier

Something to share? Send all your news items to the editor. PLEASE.

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Forthcoming Attractions

Theatre of the Mind: Marat/Sade

Theatre of the Mind: Marat/Sade is on at the New Wimbledon Studio from Tuesday 24th to Saturday 28th May, starting at 8pm, except for the Saturday Matinee at 3pm.

Tickets are available from the Box Office on 0870 060 6646, and cost:

Tue-Thur and Sat Mat £8.50 (£6.50)

Fri and Sat Eve £10 (£8.50)

Carlton Dramatic Society are proud to present this exploration of the madness of society, and examination of the relationship between individual and group.

Set in the Asylum of Charenton at the turn of the 19th Century, the depraved Marquis de Sade is imprisoned there for endangering public morals. At the asylum he continues to write outrageous novels and plays. As a form of therapy the patients are encouraged to take a part in them. Sade dramatizes the death of revolutionary Jean Paul Marat, murdered in his bath, with a cast of sociopaths, schizophrenics and narcoleptics. Don't miss this dark theatrical masterpiece!

Ticket details

Official page with poster image to download!

Summer Production

Katys bit here

Although the dates & venue for the summer production are yet to be confirmed, the proposal is - An Evening of Monologues. Or One on One. (Title to be confirmed too).

Different monologues! Different actors! Different directors! All on the same stage! All on the same night!

Sounds intriguing doesn't it. Sounds like a challenge doesn't it? Got you thinking hasn't it? (Did I turn into Yoda then?)

A call for prospective directors & actors will be out soon, but in the meantime, I hope that has given you food for thought.

Summertime Fun

While the monologues are being rehearsed, we would like to run a series of theatre based workshops.

Inspired by the amazing work done by Dave O'Sullivan, Lucie Morris & Paul Flannery, we would like to carry on this new tradition (eh?)

Whether you want to do play readings, comic timing master classes, tackling Shakespeare sessions or stage craft tutorials, between us talented folk we surely can do it.

The thinking is, that we'd have a series of different workshops, run by different people. Again, dates and venues are to be confirmed, but content is down to you.

If you feel inspired and would like to propose a workshop you can run (yes, you propose it, you run it... or get some else to run it for you if they have agreed) we'll try to fit it in.

So, if you have a workshop idea you would like to propose, please email carltondrama@hotmail.com and we'll confirm all the dates and times as soon as possible.

Stags And Hens by Willy Russell - November 2005

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Oleanna and Illuminated Productions

Following the recent creation of Illuminated Productions and the subsequent production of Oleanna in January several members expressed concerns over the group's intentions. As a result we contacted Carl to find out about why Illuminated was created and their future plans. This is what he had to say...

Back in September, I got together with John and Libby to look at using Oleanna for the Workshops in February. We had a read through of the play and all realised that we wanted to perform the whole thing. I then had a meeting with the committee to discuss the viability of having a full production in January.

The committee expressed concerns over the cost of extra rehearsal space and the cost of producing the show, e.g. Royalties, etc. and advised on 21st November that the committee couldn't support the show at that time.

As rehearsals had already started I looked into producing the show independently. This required a new amateur dramatics society to be created to protect me, the cast, crew and general public via Public Liability Insurance.

Therefore, Illuminated Productions was born.

With regard to the future, nothing has been set in stone. However it is likely that Illuminated will focus on small cast productions such as Oleanna. It has never been Illuminated's intention to compete with Carlton, rather to provide people with other artistic opportunities in the same way as Cygnets has given many Carlton members the opportunity to perform in musicals.

We hope that this puts people's concerns to rest. The committee are convinced that Illuminated are not a threat to Carlton and indeed look forward to finding opportunities for our two groups to work in synergy.

Thanks Carl. Let's look forward to a great future of coexistence and cooperation!

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Pervert's Wordsearch

To commemorate the imminent arrival of Theatre Of The Mind: MARAT/SADE, we are proud to present this sadistically difficult wordsearch! See if you can find the 25 words related to Marat, The Marquis and the whole gang at the Asylum! Don't worry, there's nothing rude! Katy Wey, who kindly sorted out this puzzle, doesn't do rude. Answers near the back page (no cheating, or you will be punished!)

I N O I T U L O V E R P C S S O J B X K 
Z F J D I I P G V Q Q U E C N E I D U A 
G F Q I P O G L X U D W S D A B T J Y T 
I A S C I R Y E E S J A S P R I K P L I 
Y T C R U N I A P A C N G D S Z B E P A 
C S I E A Q T E M Y S R K G L E Y K S J 
A H T A K P J X S E Y U I F E E Z Y E I 
R Y I T J E S V Z T W C R P E R L N A Q 
C I L U I B E E I Z B S C E T U L H C J 
O C O R Z R E M G T Q Y D S M N S B S X 
T I P E Y R R I G A Z O K W Z S P A L H 
S D K S T O Z Y E K D B H V Q R Z S M E 
I E D A F D J Y N V Y N A I K O H T A C 
R E E N D H Y F A U Z N A O E T X I R N 
A H O E D L A P S A B N T B T C X L Q A 
T C U J R T O H N J L X I Q A O N L U R 
N F M L A U B T I I O P R J M D O E I F 
D A G R O Q T A Q T O I F G N C T H S I 
G E A B N E H B R C D Y P D I U Y F K G 
L M F T V R P E Q J N S I K A L H B J V 

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HOW CARLTON ARE YOU?

Do this sensational CARLTON! quiz to strip away the veneer of your subconscious judgments and reveal just how CARLTON! you really are. Simply tick the answer that is closest to your own gut reaction to each question. Don't think! Answer quickly and tick the first result that feels right.

When I have a pizza at home I:

1. Eat it out of the box with my fingers.
2. Put it on a plate and use cutlery.
3. Cook a supermarket pizza from the freezer because it's cheaper.
4. Always mix and roll my own dough, use only organic flour, toppings and finest Italian mozzarella, cook in wood-fired Aga.

Julian Clary is:

1. A hilarious wit.
2. Vulgar, spent and very much yesterday's man.
3. A sinister threat to our vulnerable youth.
4. The name of the chairman of my bridge club.

A drunk, old man shouts abuse at me in the pub so I:

1. Buy him another bag of pork scratchings and apologise.
2. Address him sternly and explain he could become the subject of an ASBO.
3. Alert the landlord and have him thrown in to the street.
4. Notify him that he is empowered to change his life and give him the number of a registered anger management counsellor.

My next door neighbour's house is on fire. I:

1. Wrap myself in a duvet, kick the door in, wake him up, escort him to safety.
2. Phone him (again!) to say that a smoke alarm isn't a smoke alarm if the battery is in the Sky remote control and anyway, there is more to life than TV.
3. Spray my own house with the garden hose. Prevention beats cure.
4. Call my feng shui consultant to maximise my neighbour's redevelopment potential once his personal phoenix rises from the ashes. Meditate really hard for the fire to go out.

A hotel receptionist is outstandingly helpful so I:

1. Buy her a bunch of flowers.
2. Inform her line manager that she is an obsessive compulsive who is compromising efficiency by her self-gratifying do-gooding.
3. Tell her off for fishing for tips.
4. Offer her the job of my au pair/PA/live-in personal crisis rescue manager.

I suspect my partner of having an affair. I would:

1. Confront him/her about it and discuss it like adults.
2. Torch all their prize possessions and 'out' him/her as a love rat by posting notices on local lamp posts.
3. Banish those thoughts. I am so gorgeous that no partner would ever risk losing me.
4. Run it up the flagpole at my encounter group. Book a ticket to my beach villa in Corsica.

I find a bag containing a master's degree thesis, a lottery ticket winning £750 and a child benefit book. I'd:

1. Take it to the police station.
2. Bin it all. Graduates are elitist scum. The lottery is a cruel trick played on the dumb poor. Get a job THEN have kids - don't sponge.
3. Enrol in an O.U. course in the degree subject, submit the thesis and graduate, claim the lottery prize and flog the allowance book to a drug addict.
4. Give the lottery ticket to the Cat's Protection League. Put the thesis on the shelf in the loo. Every child is a benefit but it wouldn't make a good book.

Margaret Thatcher is:

1. Mad as soup but we can't do anything about it now.
2. Evil incarnate and must be made an example of with some of her own medicine.
3. Potentially capable of reducing my income by her influence on the Tories.
4. Past her best now but a formidable politician in her day.

I would deal with indiscipline in schools by:

1. Encouraging parental involvement in discipline, positively rewarding good behaviour, making learning cool.
2. Punish teachers who don't earn respect. Sack heads who don't punish teachers enough.
3. Public floggings are all that gets through.
4. I got told off when I was naughty and I'm OK.

When David Beckham wore a sarong I:

1. Yawned.
2. Couldn't forgive him for sullying the image of England, the big, pink jessie.
3. Made enquiries about emigrating to Australia, where men aren't afraid to be men.
4. Thought it clashed dreadfully with his alice band.

Score:

7 or more 'a's: You're so CARLTON! We love you.

7 or more 'b's: do you live nearer to Putney than Wimbledon? Perhaps you'd be happier as a Cygnet.

7 or more 'c's: the Torch Players are a very reputable local drama group with a less roguish reputation than us.

7 or more 'd's: are you sure you're happy being an amateur? You've got something special and should apply for Equity membership.

No more than 6 of a kind: you'll never be cast in anything again. Concentrate on your day job, you're a mule in harness.

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Kitchen Kapers with Kath

A delicious culinary question from Kathie...

EVER SEEN A CHEESY CHICKEN (CROSS THE STOVE)?

Ingredients

• 4 SKINLESS CHICKEN BREAST FILLETS
• 2 OZ BUTTER
• 4 FLUID OZ OF CHICKEN STOCK
• 150 G BOURSIN CHEESE - EITHER GARLIC FLAVOURED OR HERBS (THE BIG SIZE PACK)
• FRESHLY MILLED PEPPER
• CHOPPED FRESH PARSLEY

Serves around 2-3 generously.

1. Cut each chicken breast into 4 chunky pieces
2. Melt the butter in a large frying pan with a lid
3. Then add the chicken and gently brown all over.
4. Then add the stock.
5. Bring to a simmer
6. Cover and cook gently for about 10 minutes.
7. When chicken pieces are tender, add the BOURSIN CHEESE in pieces. Stir and turn the chicken as the cheese melts to form a sauce.
8. Heat for a moment then season with pepper. Sprinkle with chopped parsley
9. Serve this with mangetout and new potatoes and give a drink of lovely chilled white wine to the chicken! :O)

And here's another tempting dessert from your editor, Matthew Petty...

Millionaire McVitie's

Ingredients

• 4 Plain Chocolate Digestive Biscuits from my secret stash
• 1/2 pot double cream left over from a nice dessert

Serves 1

1. Put biscuits in a bowl
2. Pur cream over
3. Eat with a spoon in front of a movie adaptation of the writings of the Marquis de Sade

Doesn't that sound absolutely yumptious! Let Kathie know if you have a recipe to share.

Wordsearch answers: ARISTOCRACY ASYLUM AUDIENCE BANDAGES BASTILLE BATH BLOOD BOYS CONFORMITY CREATURES DAGGER DOCTORS FRANCE INMATE INSANE MARAT MARQUIS PAIN PLEASURE POLITICS PRIEST REVOLUTION SCRIPT STAFF THEATRE

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Carlton Dramatic Society Information

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CARLTON CALENDAR

Your regular guide to what's up and what's on at the Carlton and elsewhere

Put these dates in your diary NOW. No excuses.

Another month, another format. If there is anything missing from the calendar I do apologise - my clairvoyance is affected by puppy bites. You'll have to help me out by emailing me any items you would like to see included.

THE MASTER PLAN

An overview of the next few weeks. This will be updated semi-regularly.

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